A fascinating traditional Indian tale goes like this:

One day as Shiva and Shakti, the Divine Couple, are
looking down on the Earth from their Heavenly Dwelling,
Shakti sees a poor, miserable looking man walking down a
dusty road.  He looks so tired and his clothes are so worn
and ragged that her heart went out to him.  She turns to
her husband and begs him to give this man some gold.

Shiva takes a long look at the poor man, then turns back
to his beloved wife and says that he cannot do this.

“But why not?”  she asks.  “Are you not the Lord of the
Universe?  Why can you not do this simple thing?”

“I cannot because he is not ready to receive it”, Shiva replied.

Unaccustomed to being denied by her husband, Shakti
becomes angry and asks, “Do you mean to say that you
cannot drop a bag of gold in his path?!”

“Of course I can”, Shiva said, “but that is a different matter.”

“Please, husband,” she implored him once more.

So because he cannot refuse her, Shiva drops a bag of
gold directly in the man’s path.

Meanwhile, the poor man is slumping along, worrying
about whether or not he will be able to eat tonight,
or go to bed hungry once more… Coming around a
bend in the road, he sees something lying on the ground
in front of him and mutters to himself.

“What is that big ugly rock doing in the middle of the road?
I am lucky I saw it before I stubbed my toe or fell over it.
I might have hurt myself or torn these raggedy sandals
of mine even further!”  And carefully, he steps around
the sack of gold, and continued trudging on his way.

Life constantly presents us with gifts disguised as
obstacles.  It is so easy to miss seeing them for the
opportunities that they are.  Unless we are willing
to lift our eyes up, open ourselves to receive
our unexpected fortune, then we, like the weary
traveler, will be alarmed or annoyed by the
arrival of unforeseen obstacles, even if they are
really blessings in disguise.

I have been told:

that my first word is “da-da”; 

that when I was a baby/toddler, I knew the sound of my dad’s car when he would return home from work and that I would crawl down the stairs (backwards) calling out loud, ”da-da” and meeting him at the door;

and that I used to wear my dad’s shirt as a child while he was away over-seas (in the Navy) just so that I can have his “scent” near me.

I guess you can say that I have always been “daddy’s little girl”.  My love for my dad is a reflection of the love and affection that he has given to me through the years. 

Yes, we had our difficult times and our share of misunderstandings, but we still love each other very much.

I love the fact that his face lights up with the thought of his children and grandchildren 

visiting and/or calling him.

My dad continues to show his love each time he visits my girl’s grave site and gives them flesh flowers weekly. I know that he would have loved and adored my children as much as me, maybe more. 

I will always be grateful to my dad, for his time and unconditional love.

This posting is a continuation of the previous post and was originally published and sent by email on June 13, 2008.

So here is it:

I wish to say Happy Father’s Day to all dads, papas, padres, appas and like-dads (in all languages) who find ways to bond with a child.  From changing diapers, bathing, and dressing to cuddling, playing games and participating in daily routines like reading bed time stories.  I appreciate my dad for everything that he has sacrificed and done for both me and my younger brother.  I am grateful that he is healthy and well so that we can still have our bonding time. 

I would also like to honor my husband, Paul.  Although our children are not here with us, I know deep in my heart that he would have been a great daddy to Alyssa, Kaitlyn and Shaun.  I say this not because I think he is a great man and a beautiful person, but because he has shown great love during the little time we had with them.  I shall share just one example: Kaitlyn’s first bath.

We were in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) when Kaitlyn received her first bath.  It was shortly after her heart had stopped beating and the nurse turned off all her monitors.  Our baby girl had spent 23 days in the NICU and did not get to go home with us. I cried not because of grief to have lost another child, but rather, for joy to watch my husband remove the lines, tapes and tubings out from our daughter and started giving her a ”bath” with a tiny cloth.  He was talking gently to her at the same time. I do not remember what he said exactly, but I will always vividly remember how peaceful they both looked. 

From that moment on, I am forever and deeply moved when I see a father bond with a child (no matter how small the act).  ”In this life, we cannot always do great things.  But we can do small things with great love.” -Mother Teresa (1910-1997).  Here’s to all dads and like-dads (near and far) who do small things with great love! 

As a genetic counselor, I was already dedicated to the mission of the March of Dimes and as a grieving parent, I wanted to do something MORE with purpose and meaning. So in 2006, I registered to participate in WalkAmerica, March of Dimes’ largest fundraising event under the walking name: Team Aly-Kate, in loving memory of my girls, Alyssa and Kaitlyn. I am blessed to have had my good friend Joy walk with me at Griffith Park in Los Angeles, CA for my first experience and together we walked 5.5 miles in an hour and 45 minutes.

Last year, my husband Paul, cousin Rosanne and friends Jeff and Maricel joined Team Aly-Kate. And together we proudly walked at Fashion Island in Newport Beach, CA. We liked it so much at this location that I decided that I would sign up for all future walks at this same site. This year, WalkAmerica has been appropriately renamed March for Babies. The new name makes a clear connection to what the March of Dimes is all about.

Team Aly-Kate 2008 included myself, Joy, Paul, Rosanne, Jeff and Maricel as well as first-time walkers: Jeni, Rochelle and Margy. We all survived the record-breaking heat of 95 degrees on April 27, 2008. Even my little niece Mikayla (7mo), with the help of her mommy of course, “walked” for Team Aly-Kate in Jacksonville, FL. The outpouring of support for Team Aly-kate is heartwarming and deeply appreciated!

I will continue to be dedicated to help raise funds and awareness about the problem of premature birth, birth defects and infant mortality. I sincerely appreciate the generous support from all my sponsors. Bless them all for their compassion and generosity! I look forward to others joining me at Fashion Island, Newport Beach, CA next year!

For the first time, I felt a strong family unity that day and I am happy that a simple book could take us back to special moments in our lives and bring us closer together.  Perhaps that was her sign from God letting her know that her time with us was coming to an end.  I am sure she is resting in peace knowing that her children and grandchildren love one another and are there to comfort each other.   

On December 10, 2007, my grandma passed away- two months shy of her 91st birthday.  One of the hardest things I had to do, next to burying my daughters Alyssa in 2001 and Kaitlyn in 2002 giving my first eulogy at my grandma’s memorial service.  I used my grandma’s tribute book as a visual tool for my eulogy and passed it around afterwards for all to see.

As you can imagine, this past holiday season was a difficult time for our family.  Christmas was just not the same.  However, I do find comfort knowing that she is with God and no longer in pain.  I find peace knowing that she is once again reunited with Grandpa, the love of her life and the father of all her children.

Happy Birthday Grandma! 

This is posted in loving memory of

Margarita J. Tanega

(February 22, 1917- December 10, 2007)

Because my sister-in-law is an avid reader and loves books, the boys have also taken a interest in reading as well (even at such a young age). What a great idea to create a storybook not only to express my love for them, but also to have a personalized book for them to read and share. Besides, what child does not like to see a picture of themselves?

The first storybook was made a year ago in a simple “A-B-C’s” pictorial format to help Ryan use it as a simple tool to teach his baby brother Nathan the alphabet. I used pictures of themselves and their cousins (from their mommy’side of the family). The title page of the book contains a brief letter to Ry and Nate (individually) and pictures of them with me and my husband, Paul. Copies of the book were sent to Ryan and Nathan as well as my parents.

I knew that this small 7 X 5 storybook would be a great personal gift, however, I did not realize that it would make a positive impact on the boys. Ryan loves sharing his book with others, Nathan recognizes who his Auntie Arlyn and Uncle Paul are and my parents love showing off their grandsons pictures! This inspired me to create more storybooks for them.

The second storybook is about my brother before he became their daddy. It has many pictures and “fun facts” of my brother (from baby to present) throughout the many stages in his life. It highlights special and funny moments as remembered by me and my mom. My motivation for the book is to teach my nephews an appreciation for their daddy’s journey through life (before they were born) and to respect and look up to their daddy as their hero.

I hope that that above comments have inspired you. Remember that when you do things from the heart to make others feel important and respected, it can have a huge impact on your life.